Pink Lady

By Penny Amara

This morning is full of fruit. Fields of strawberries. Blinding sunlight. That is what I imagine. Leaving this place in my mind is hard to do when the world outside is so much. Why would I give up my fields for darkened skies at the hands of humanity? Everyone else seems to think that I should. Peaches. Apples. Blueberry bushes. They’re all so beautiful and warm. I begin to walk through them, closing my eyes, and feel the ground beneath me. I walk into the office, imagining the boundless impossible when I bump into Mark from the other sales team. He is upset, as always.

Reports. Files. Phone calls. Strawberry fields, blueberries, and grapes. More phone calls.

The conversation is so boring.

He is angry at our supervisor and I am angry at the world, he bought the wrong coffee, and I am in the wrong profession, he is pissed at his wife for not having dinner ready, and I am about to punch a man in the face. Just perfect. I don’t say anything. Why should I indulge a man who thinks he is the only person who walks the surface of the earth? Everyone else seems to think that I should. Orange trees, strawberries, swaying grass. Oh, how I wish to leave this place. 

I don’t. Apples, Honeycrisp, Granny Smith. I quite miss my granny. I hope she is doing well. Work is busy in the morning, giving me little time to leave for my safe place instead. Phone calls. Files. Reports. No fruit. No fields. No vines. Reports. Files. Phone calls. Strawberry fields, blueberries, and grape vines. Despite my attention to detail and pride in my work, sometimes I can’t help it. Especially in the break room, it is easy to feel myself floating away. More phone calls. They’re not about fruits, but about the services our company may provide you as our new and favorite customer. Come inside! Join us in spreading creativity and fun! Through your generous donations, of course, we underpay and overwork our employees! It is great fun.

I work for more hours than I should today. I got yelled at by my supervisor. 

I am not friendly enough for sales. I should work harder. 

Or find a new job. That sounds great right about now, but it’s impossible. 

Oh, how I enjoy the impossible. Closing my eyes and feeling the sun on my face. 

When I am in a dark room, that is what I do. 

My apartment is small, but it is just me and Oliver. My cat is mean, but he’s mine. No one can take away a cat that hates people, so he’s stuck with me, and that’s alright. Especially when he is just so handsome and adorable. He never lets me pet him. I sneak over to the couch, to not scare him away, and sit down carefully. I just watch. Work was hard today, I wish I could have a cuddle. It isn't going to happen. Apples, pink lady. I love pink lady. I feel that if I were to be a fruit, that would be me. Just a girl, full of color, being eaten. 

I know it’s dark, but it’s true. I feel suffocated. Banana trees, mangoes, dragon fruit. I miss home. Peaches, nectarines, apricots. I love those fields. 

“Let’s go, Oliver.”

The bus ride is packed full of people, and there is no room to straighten my legs. Plums. Mark is mad at me, and so is our supervisor, but I don’t care. I don’t care anymore. The woman sitting next to me is named Nancy. She is a mother of three children and is taking a break to see her mother in the countryside. The children, Leah, Jason, and Eve, are staying with their father. She loves horses, has always ridden them since she was a child, and despises dried fruits. I am eating dried fruits, you see, which is how we got talking in the first place. I too, despise dried fruits. I simply want the real thing. We are fast friends. I quite like Nancy, but the bus ride is six hours long. I most likely will never see Nancy again or have the chance to talk about how dried fruit is nothing like real fruit. It is nothing to me. 

At the end of the ride, I feel myself getting excited. It has been years since I have been here. Years since I have been able to see, feel, taste, and smell the real thing. The real thing. The place I love, the place I need, and the place I never want to leave again. Never again. I grab Oliver's carry case, and he is also very angry at me. He is hissing at every passenger as they walk by to use the bathroom, causing Nancy to begin to dislike me. I am happy the ride is over. It is dark outside now, and everyone has called a taxi or a ride to pick them up from the bus stop. It is in the middle of nowhere, you see. There is nowhere to go unless you have a car. But, that is not the truth for me. Once everyone is gone, once the world is quiet and I am alone with my angry cat, I start walking. I leave happily from the bus stop, with nowhere to go. And, as I walk through the night, watching the sunrise, still walking, I do not need to imagine the sunlight as it rises to meet me. I do not need to imagine the fruit fields. They’re right there in front of me.  

Right there.